I received such an outpouring of support from my instagram followers, readers of this blog and especially from reddit after posting the video from my first race, that I felt I absolutely had to have another go, and I was already signed up for a race this Sunday, the 15th May.
It’s been a stressful couple of weeks at work, and usually riding is my most effective tool for releasing that stress. Except that with another race looming, even my bike rides were feeling stressful. Every hill, every flat section, viewed through the context of how it would feel when I raced again. Constantly feeling I wasn’t doing enough, pushing hard enough. It’s not been much fun, if I’m honest.
Added to that, an old stress-related problem I haven’t had in years raised it’s ugly head this week; IBS. I first had an attack back when I was doing my A-Levels, and every now and then when I have a little too much on my plate, I get some pretty chronic intestinal cramps. Kinda like every single day this week.
So it’s with mixed feelings that I decided to withdraw – I won’t be racing on Sunday. As soon as I gave myself permission to not do it I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders, as well as a little disappointment that I couldn’t get past what was bothering me and do it anyway. But since deciding not to go, riding has become carefree and fun again, and as of this week I’ve been smashing some of my old PBs on the local climbs, so I guess I’m pretty happy about that.
-esp
